I've been in a blogging mood the past day or two, but haven't had much to say. Ergo, I've been borrowing ideas. This one is from
Beast. He has a post where he is trying to give directions and suggestions for his funeral. This is something that I think about quite a bit. Admittedly, I have contemplated suicide in the past, but have never thought to attempt it. First of all, it would be a psychological burden on my loved ones. Secondly, if it failed, it would leave me disabled in a way I can't cope with (I don't deal with sudden change or limbo well). Thirdly, it's quite simply a cop out.
Having said that, though, if things change in that respect, or if I die in an accident (which I believe---unfortunately not joking---almost occurred on my trip to New York City while waiting for a subway car), I would want some say in how I am remembered. Maybe it's completely selfish. I mean, I know my mother is going to remember me for certain things she holds dear, and it ain't soccer! But I want to make a certain imprint on the world. I have always wanted so badly for people to know at least part of the real me, and I think a funeral is a good place to reveal that, at least in symbol.
To that end, here is a provisional (and perhaps hypothetical) set of instructions. I may revisit this from time to time:
Before or After the Funeral
1: Go through my "stuff". Donate everything possible, but discard the rest. I can't impose my own judgement on this, obviously. Just retain, for the time being, anything to be used for the funeral. All monetary assets shall be split as evenly as possible between the gymnastics program at the
University of Pittsburgh, where I leave many fond memories and friendships, new and old, and the athletic program at
Sacramento State, where I started to discover who I really was without fear of disapproval by my ever-loving parents.
2: Some folks have parties or get-togethers. My parents always seemed to like group outings of seven or eight close folks. I wouldn't impose a number, but there's something to be said for that sort of thing, I suppose. But not if you're forcing yourself. Death is a grievous thing, and forcing yourself to be happy at any particular moment is no good. Do as you wish in this regard. Just have it afterward!
Urn:
Solid, bright orange, no decoration, try your hardest to make it cheap, even if its a makeshift urn. Not exactly sure why, really, although I do remember in my childhood liking the Dutch national soccer team. I guess I just like the color, and I guess that's a good enough reason.
Funeral attire:
Well, whatever. Can't really enforce this. I don't want people denied entry. But I do tend to like the formality of funerals. It just seems appropriate to dress up, but hopefully not in too much black. But we shall see, shan't we?
Music
(edited to include links to the admittedly obscure artists):
I'd love the background to be a combination of
Ray Lynch,
John Jarvis (He's calling himself John Barlow Jarvis now?!),
David Lanz and/or similar artists. Loop if necessary. At the end, with no explanation, play "Whole of the Moon" by the
Waterboys.
Decor/Venue:
I am an atheist, but primarily grew up in the
Unitarian Universalist church. A venue consistent with either faith would be just fine. I broke away from the Unitarians for political differences, and for lack of need for a religious community. However, I still highly respect their ongoing attempt to affirm people's right to be.
For decor, at this point, I would prefer my Sacramento State posters (women's soccer, gymnastics and volleyball teams) hanging front and center, along with all of my Pitt gymnastics programs, if salvageable (please try to make them so). As well, if I have accrued a collection of soccer scarves, have them toward this middle focal point as well, one below the other, if possible. This all exemplifies who I was as I saw myself. Surrounding this can be anything. Anything that represents how you saw me, and anything that contributes to a normal, formal, funereal feel.
Comments: Time must be allowed for comments. If I'm wrong and my spirit does exist, and sees this, I do want to know how others saw me.
Anything else I've failed to mention with respect to my final wishes, I leave to you.
I feel really funny about doing this sort of exercise. I feel kind of demanding. But it's something that should be done by everybody. It's important that we get across what is important to our very being. It is important for others to get a chance to say what is on their mind as well.
I know I'm probably going to have to revisit this from time to time, but if I die tomorrow for any reason, any services that adhere to this post are A-OK with me. Thanks.